Back in December on the 31st I had a moment that I”ll remember my entire life.
I was laying on my couch alone in my new house drinking red wine and listening to James Taylor in the dark. My cat was on my lap sleeping on her side while the light of the candles shined on her fur. It was New Years Eve and this was the first time I have never had a special someone in my life. It has been over one full year since my last girlfriend, but I never thought anything about it. I noticed that it was 11:55 p. m. , so I turned on the television to see what’s going on downtown.
I watched the ball drop and I even counted down the seconds to my sleeping cat. Three, two, one and everyone cheered and hugged their loved one then celebrated with a new years kiss to start the new year on a good note. That’s when it hit me that I am alone. I can”t share the moment with anyone or even better yet the New Year with anyone. I”m all alone I thought in my head.
Doomed without love. Then I analyzed everything leading up to this lonely depressing moment in my life. I went as far back as to high school when life was easy and going to school was fun.I went to E. North High School and always felt that meeting girls would never be a hard task to do. I played football, basketball, and track throughout my four years there. I was awarded best looking, most likely to be a super model, and best car out of 600 students I graduated with. I graduated in the spring of 2000 thinking life could only get better once in college.
I attended Northeastern State University in Tahlequah, OK for one year and then moved back over the summer and turned 20 years old. I had saved up enough money that I could put a down payment on a house.Started building my first dream home in July 2001, and finished in the last week of January 2002. Living alone and working 40 plus hours a week while taking 16 hours in Pre-med courses at University of Central Oklahoma might have put a stop to my social life for a while leaving me unable to get to know anyone new. I felt that life was only getting harder rather than easier like I wanted. Shortly after moving into my new house my 18 year old brother tells me that he is getting married to his high school sweetheart which have been together for the past five years.
Everyone found out and asked questions about how I feel that my little brother is getting married before me. My parents even made fun of me that I don”t even have a girlfriend, or better yet any prospects. Ridicule was thick in the air and I was the butt of all jokes. Maybe it was time I try the dating scene again. I had several dates that were a bust and blew up in my face. The older and more domestic girls all talked about how they want kids by the time they were 26 (which was about one year to 6 months away for them) and a rich husband that could give them what they want.After running for my life, I tried girls my age which intelligence levels were very acute to what I expected and wanted.
They discussed petty things that really didn”t matter, but only to little kids. They could never make a logical decision if the world depended upon it. I realized that life was a game and I was losing. Time went by fast and at the end of December leaving me in the same lonely boat as I started in since high school. On New Years Eve I took a shower and put on the softest clothing I owned. I opened the bottle of wine my father gave me for graduation my senior year which he told me it would bring me good luck in the future.
As I poured the glass I thought to myself, good luck in a glass is the best remedy to a broken hearted guy. I lit a few smelly good candles and turned on a James Taylor DVD to relax. My little kitty jumped up and fell asleep in my lap instantly. There I sat alone in the leather recliner enjoying the peaceful moment and the glow of the clock on my VCR, which read 11:55 p.
m. Since that moment I told myself not to let my feelings get the worst of me, so I went out and bought two puppies that needed some attention and a good home.Bailey was from the country and raised on a ranch, so I figured that I love the country I would love the dog. Bentley was left in a ditch when she was six weeks old and sent to a dog shelter. I heard the sad story regarding the puppy and realized that I have the opportunity to save this pup and show it a new life of love. Now I don”t have the empty feeling in my chest since I have my puppies. I have learned that love needs never to be taken advantage of but embraced to its fullest.
I guess at the age of 21 my life isn”t ready for a girlfriend.