Marital to vanish… Marriage is about trying harder,

Marital privacy in IslamMarriage is a beautiful relationship in Islam, so much that it is called as “completion of half of our deen” by our beloved Prophet. It is indeed a beautiful gift from Allah to cherish entire our life; a life time commitment of having each other’s back, turning to each other in difficult times, blindly relying on each other and a promise to love, trust and care no matter what.By nature, marriage is a strong yet fragile relation. Strong enough to last a lifetime and weak enough to break easily just by saying few words unlike blood relations that doesn’t end even if we break all our ties. All their life husband and wife try to make their home strong, they pour each and every possible asset that they have in this relation but they might never reach a point where they could finally relax and think their bond is strong enough now and doesn’t need any more effort.. More or less but this relationship requires effort, constant effort, it is MUST from each side, it is the oxygen of this relation. Because the home they make is like a spiders web, fragile yet strong enough to hide our Prophet, it takes forever to build but seconds to vanish… Marriage is about trying harder, enjoying harder but never giving up. A lot has been talked about the rights and duties of a spouse in Islam for the success of marriage, family and tranquility in life. But surprisingly you will read very less about the privacy that must be maintained in this relationship. I have come across a few hadiths that describes how sinful it is to do not keep the privacy this relationship demands and how badly it could affect the relationship.”Amongst the worst of people in Allah’s sight on the day of Qiyamah is that husband who indulges in privacy with his wife and then reveals her to others Sahih Muslim. The same applies to women”  There are many different categories of Privacy in marriage and most extreme of those is to share the stories of intimacy with your spouse with others,that is where Allah has asked us to be extremly careful. But it is quite a common trend these days to narrate details of your marital privacy to your parents and friends. This includes the talk about the first wedding night where both husband and wife narrates their sexual experience with their friends. Marriage is a sacred and secret thing in both moral and social terms. It is not okay to share your intimate moments with your friends to show them how much your spouse love you or just for the sake of discussing. This tbh is morally indecent and against your spouse’s dignity. This even includes your spouse’s fertility issues which he would not like her wife to share even with her parents (if he is nice with you overall, of course it is something not in his hands). This also includes letting your mother know about periods details of your wife without her consent, this is the parda that Allah has made, regardless how close a son and a mother is, the respect of this relationship should strongly be maintained and COME ON a mother and son cannot talk about periods of his wife. These things should not be asked at first but if asked, they do not have the right to know the details of your life (you and your husband), and it is not permissible for your spouse to tell them of any private or intimate matters between the two of you even to your parents. I repeat and I am really shouting, “NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO ASK YOU THE DETAILS OF YOUR VERY PERSONAL LIFE”. Even if your spouse is pregnant or not, no one has the right to know if you don’t want to disclose it or if you are doing any protection because the whole world is worried why isn’t there any good news. Please don’t perceive that our religion doesn’t like to publically express your love for your spouse, Islam really urges husband and wife to have most loving relationship.  Our prophet himself never hesitate to publically display affection for his wives and Allah encourages it. There are many real examples from His life that even today’s “best sellers books for successful married life” don’t have.  “Indeed I was nourished by her (Khadija’s) love” (Sahih Muslim)I will roughly translate an incident that I heard in Molana tariq Jameel’s lecture.”A man came to Prophet (PBUH) and asked, O Prophet of Allah whom do you love the most?He (PBUH) replied: Ayesha.That man asked again, whom do you love the most among the men?He (PBUH) replied: Abuha (Her father – Aby Bakr RA)There is a very clear line that differentiates affection and the intimate moments that should not be revealed out to anyone.  They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them” (Noble Quran 2:187)Allah has asked Muslim husbands and wife to live with love and be each other’s garments, Allah himself has sent upon them such a greater security. The vital purpose of garment is to cover private parts and to protect body from harm. So they should return to each other whenever they need moral, financial or emotional support and find shelter in each other, over time a spouse becomes that supporting mechanism which one clings during life storms just like a garment that protects body from outside danger. Just like garment covers the body and there is nothing in between body and garment, the husband and wife should be this much close and intimate so that no secrets left between them.Privacy in a marriage doesn’t only abide to display intimacy but it also demands to be careful about keeping private many other affairs like your husbands salary, the savings you have, the investments you have made for future, the amount of money you spend on travelling on your children, on goings at home, your fights on petty issue (no I am not saying to never involve elders, depends upon the criticality of conflicts), your daily arguments, the things you don’t like about your spouse , it is back bitting OKAY. You must take extra care yo do not air the filthy laundry after fights and arguments. You should instead share these with the person in question, YOUR OWN SPOUSE. By not keeping private affairs as private, you’ll lose respect for each other. Husband and wife should never reveal their secrets and personal matters and the faults that Allah has kept hidden to anyone even parents siblings or best friends. The confidences shared should be taken with extra care. A married couple instead should protect each other behind their back from mortification, ridicule and accuse even if its coming from a well-wishing biological relative. There should be an unbreakable agreement of privacy in marriage only then this relationship can be fully flourished. The couples who share details of their marriage life with others; from any type of subject related to intimacy to every tiny detail of their marriage life lose the respect and trust for each other and it effects not your secret keepers but your own relationship. which indeed Allah has strongly discouraged.Some of this talk is about private matters which the husband would not want anyone to know about. The best thing that could ever happen with your life is indeed a happy marriage, may we all be blessed with it.