The Ideal PartnerThe ideal partner will have five qualities that together will make this person a beacon for my sense of completeness. The ideal partner possesses honesty, compassion, ability to think critically, joy, and intelligence. Physical attractiveness, personal hygiene, sexual compatibility, and other traits matter, but these elements can be acquired, as long as the ideal partner feels the same about me. By working with each other we can strive to attain the ideal partnership.
Speak the truth, because partners that portray themselves or their situations as something other than the truth will never attain a working relationship, much less a partnership. One lie discovered will cause doubt on the entire history of the relationship, and the partnership will soon disintegrate. Secrets may be kept, but not if a secret known by one affects the other. For example, a secret kept about a third party’s proclivity to cross dress would harm the third party if revealed and brings nothing to the relationship.
A secret kept about the partner’s inner most desires will ultimately cause distance between the two partners. In the movie Atonement, the main character held her past sins for her entire life, and that must have affected every relationship she had. The very act of revealing your vulnerabilities shows how important truth is to you, and if the partner treasures it as much as you, the ideal becomes nearly achievable.Cynicism may not be the same as sarcasm, but both show a lack of compassion and understanding of other people’s pain. Ironically sometime sarcasm works between partners, but it does not work well when employed on the outside world. Compassion means the understanding of people, and one cannot reach that understanding with mockery and ridicule. For example you may detest the policies of President Bush, but if you ascribe to him untruthful motives, you will not understand why he implemented his policies and so you cannot logically argue against them on their own merits.
If the ideal mate enjoys the misfortunes of others, then there will always be a nagging doubt that the ideal partner enjoys the misfortunes of the other partner.Thinking critically separates the ideal partner from the mass of souls spouting witless maxims with no consideration of their truth. A partner who thinks critically will be prone to self inspection, and self inspection leads to true intellectual growth. Without intellectual growth one partner may outgrow the other and then it would not be an ideal partnership, although it might be an attempt at an ideal partnership.
Thinking critically is the best evidence of a truthful soul.True joy does not mean an insane smile for every waking moment, irrespective of the tenor of the time. Joy means delight in life and its smaller manifestations; a walk in the park, a cat curled by a heater, a roaring fire, and rousing tales in the evening hours can bring out this joy. The absence of joy forms bitterness, and bitterness may help other ideal partners grow, but for me it would be nothing less than having a partnership with a dagger. Wanting intelligence in a partner is truly a selfish quirk. A partnership means a long term association, and over a long period of time.
I would like to be able to talk with my ideal partner meaningfully over that period. Talking intelligently and thinking critically are not one in the same thing. For example thinking critically about a statement such as “Life only exists on earth”, may lead the critical thinker to see both truth and falsehood in the statement; the intelligent thinker likely will pick a side and stick with it, without needing evidence for the conclusion. Intelligence implies faith and conviction in truth, but keeping a willingness to look again in the light of new information.
My ideal partner will have these qualities, and perhaps one more. My ideal partner will recognize that we can only approach perfection by continually striving for it. Without ambition for an ideal partnership, the dream dies.